I’ve always been known as an over thinker. If something comes up, you can bet I have played out every little possibility in my mind 100 times over. Even when the problem passes, I’ll sit there and think, and think, and think about what I could have done differently. There is actually a French saying that can kind of apply to this situation l’esprit de l’escalier, which means “the spirit of the staircase;” the feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. I get that 95% of the time. I can think of conversations I had over three years ago and still cringe at what I was saying. (Maybe it’s because I was a teenager then.) Thinking about all of the things I could have, or should have, said starts to weigh down on you, and you could end up doing something that is kind of embarrassing. (Like calling someone up that you haven’t talked to in over 7 months, and trying to fix something that can’t be fixed.)
Growing up has changed a lot about me when it comes to friendships and what I say to people. I used to hold back everything that I thought would get me in trouble or what would end up in an argument, because I thought that I would lose the friend s that I had, and looking back, I wish I had said more, and some days I contemplate whether or not I should call the people up and be like “yo this is my explanation, and I feel like you need it.” When in reality, they don’t. Calling them up would be the worst decision. (Trust me, I’ve done it.) It’s all just something I should just let go.
Letting go is hard, I’m a Taurus, I hold grudges like no tomorrow, and if I feel like you’ve done something wrong to me, I will remember it six years down the line. But doing that is not good for me. Stressing out about something or someone is not going to help me grow as a person, and it’s the same for you. And if you're anything like me and my past friendship, you’re both going to be very stubborn on how things happened. That’s why there is that saying “There are three sides to every story…” and that is why problems exist.
My advice to you is to just let everything roll off of you. The only opinions and thoughts that should matter to you are your own. Friends come and go, in my experiences, and letting go of past mistakes will make you feel so much better.